I Met an Angel Today!

I have had a cold all week preventing me from working out. :( So I haven't worked out since last week when I was at my mom's house. I was starting to get really down and discouraged. Here are some of the reasons:

My husband was watching a show the other day about morbidly obese people. And the doctors were saying that when you go through puberty, your body determines its...I can't remember what he called it, but basically the weight that it wants you to be at. And it is really hard to get past that. To me, it kind of sounds like psycho babble.....but at the same time, it kind of makes since. At my current weight, I can pretty much eat what ever I want and do nothing, and I don't gain weight. I wasn't exercising, I wasn't eating healthy foods and I just stayed at this stupid weight. In fact, it really bothered some of the gals I used to work with. They were dieting, trying to eat healthy, exercising and not getting any results and then there was me who ate suicide potatoes (hash browns w ham, green peppers, onions, black olives, and cheese) for breakfast usually combined with a dessert- sometimes a cookie or a donut, I would bring all sorts of treats to work. And when we had a health screening, they didn't get very ideal results, while I had very ideal results besides being obese. They were so mad at me. And that is why that makes sense to me. But now I am feeling the frustration of my friends as I have started to try to eat better and have been going to the gym a lot.

And yesterday and today, I was so discouraged! Last night I tried to make a healthy dinner- chicken breast, broccoli, and brown rice. I had bought what I thought was chicken breast. But it was a breast patty- processed together to make a "fillet shaped patty". But when I started cooking the chicken and it smelled like a hot dog, I was...not hungry anymore. And I really don't like brown rice much. So I wasn't satisfied at all.

Then today came. I was so tired and really didn't want to go to the gym. My husband really tried to get me to go right after we took our daughter to school. But I was too tired. So I went in and took an hour nap. Then I did go!! But I weighed myself. And the 3-4lbs that I had lost were all back. I shouldn't have weighed myself. I was so down. I just wanted to cry and I almost did while I was doing the torso rotation machine. I was thinking about becoming anorexic or bulimic. I was thinking about giving up- I feel like I am fighting a battle I can't win. I think I was almost at a breaking point. I was starting to wish that I would get sick- really sick so that I could have some illness to help me lose the weight (stupid huh?)

Then I met the angel. I don't remember what her name was. But she was so sweet. She had been on the hip abductor/adductor machine and had been watching me do the torso rotation. She had come over because when she was using it, couldn't figure out how to adjust it. So she started out just telling me she was glad she watched me use it. Then she asked what machines I was using and told me not to give up. I don't know if she sensed that I was having a hard time or what. She told me that the machine I was using is awesome and really works. Over the last few months, she has gained about 50lbs but a few years ago, had lost almost 90lbs. So she knew that it was possible to lose the weight. I then told her that I really was discouraged. And she grabbed my hand and told me not to give up. I know she doesn't know what she did for me. But I am so grateful to her! I hope I see her again so that I can tell her. I am going to keep going to the gym and try to eat healthy. But if it doesn't change my body, I know that exercising and eating well makes me feel better. I have more energy and am more productive and even though that is not my main goal- it is an added bonus and very worth it!! And though I am still a little discouraged, I am feeling a lot better!